At the moment, it seems we are going through the phoney war of winter 1939/40. The country was at war but no fighting taking place. Elaine has cancer but there are no real symptoms. We know the cancer has returned and is apparently not curable. The doctors and scans have revealed that. But at this stage it is not obvious; even the bowel problems seem to have abated.

Of course, there is still the fear and anxiety which, at the moment, is worse than the disease itself. And Elaine has more periods of tiredness than normal – but this could be put down to one or more of the various medicinal concoctions Elaine is consuming:

These include

GP prescribed: Metformin (diabetes), bisoprolol (blood pressure). The Metformin is not essential for Elaine’s diabetes which has been diet controlled for years, but a New Scientist article revealed a connection between cancer and diabetes and the possible benefit of Metformin in controlling tumours.

The full Bristol Cancer Centre mineral and vitamin programme of Vitamin C complex, carotenid complex, flaxseed oil capsules & a multi-vitamin and mineral pill.

Herbalist prescribed:

• Herbal mix
• Cats Claw tea from a herb gathered in the Amazon used by shamans against cancer and various other ailments.

Homeopath prescribed

• Lypcum
• Carc and hydra on alternate weeks

Other stuff

• Laetrile – 30 apricot kernels a day with a digestive enzyme
• Chorella – green sea algae – good for cancer
• Milk thistle tablet – good for liver
• Co-enzyme Q10 – makes all other tablets work better
• Wheat grass juice – “so nasty it must be killing some of the cancer”
• Inositol – from Jan De-Vries clinic – on order
• Probiotic powder – 1 tsp a day
• Diet – vegan and organic.

And then there’s the acupuncture and healers, and meditation and yoga if there’s time. Oh and a daily swim.

I suppose this phoney cancer will be revealed some more by the next scan, which will show how much further it has spread, or whether the witch’s brew above is having an effect.