The break from chemotherapy isn’t proving the enjoyable respite from feeling ill that I had anticipated. The persistent cough that I’ve had for ages took me to the health centre on Friday when I also started to get pains in my shoulders in the lung region. The doctor told me that I had a chest infection that could easily develop into pneumonia and prescribed me antibiotics for it. Can’t say I’ve noticed any effect from them as yet. This afternoon I’ve been coughing like a consumptive.

In the late Julia Darling’s blog about her cancer she complained of how annoying it was that not only was her cancer incurable its treatment also makes you “look funny” too. I’ve had a couple of incidents in the past week that have brought that to mind.

Just as I thought my skin wasn’t looking too bad I’ve had a series of comments about it from people which have really brought me down. For example this afternoon I bumped into a neighbour in the local organic shop where I’d gone to take my plastic bags to save the planet. After asking how I was he went on to ask, “Is your skin like that because of the treatment?” in a loud voice that caused everyone in the shop to look round to view the ravaged complexion of the freak handing over the carrier bags. When I look into the mirror these days I don’t feel too bad about my skin but maybe I am just getting accustomed to it.

Remarks like these make me feel like staying in and avoiding people. I sometimes wonder if people make them to feel good about their own robust constitutions. On occasion (and this was one of them) I wonder if people only talk to me to congratulate themselves on not having cancer. I’d like to tell him how much he’s upset me but don’t quite know how as he is not in the least a malicious man.